Heart of Darkness

I don't need to go on a great journey to reach the heart of darkness. I don't need a place in history, some far away land long ago or a place of myth or fiction. I don't need to fall down the rabbit hole, dive deep into the ocean or trek into the jungle to find a place that the sun could never touch. I don't need to watch a battle or war or terrible conflict ravaging innocent people. I don't need to hear people with different values to me, different beliefs or perspectives. I don't need to cut open the human body, to see what everybody knows, nor do I need to look into the soul that may or may not be inside. The heart of darkness is right here in front of me, yet I am surrounded by people who are so strongly convinced that the sun just continues to shine. People are certain that with the rise of the sun light will pour down onto the earth and light up all places of darkness. Heating up everything left out in the cold. But I know that it won't. I know that in the physical world this might seem to be true, but not in the world that I can see. As much as people try to deny it, everyone is only in it for themselves. They will use their protection and care to aid that which will benefit them most, or what will give the sweetest feeling of warmth. All humans are corrupt in nature, there is no good or evil as there is no heaven or hell. These are only things created by man to try and give a system to our traits, or a reason for our actions. The ends justify the means every time. Given the right situation, me as well as everyone else will destroy, exploit, rape and pillage or kill just to protect our necks. Because in the end that is all that matters; our own physical wellbeing. It is certain that we would kill our closest of kin just to gain another breath. Each one of us has the devil and god raging inside us, and we are kings of our own man made hell. Humanity is the only existing devil; there is nothing beyond that and our own selfish actions. We push this truth aside because it is too difficult to live with when all we want is to think that we are good enough to be saved by someone who is prepared to forgive us no matter how many sins we have committed. And we won't just rot in the ground with all those of whom we have forsaken. The problem is we; the privileged ones are the most to blame. We complain about our meaningless, trivial problems while we exploit those on the tiers below us so we can live in comfort and ease. The ninety five will die in vain to keep the five alive and fruitful. We say we are doing a greater good for those less privileged than us, when infact we are signing away their lives from birth and selling them our pescripted life. There will be no equality, because all men are not created equal. It is comfortable to think that everyone has a chance, because it means that no one is better or worse than anyone else in the long run. It is survival of the fittest, and in this dog eat dog world only the strongest and most ruthless will survive. The true survivors know this, but somehow in our enclosed bubble world we have taught ourselves otherwise. This is the heart of darkness, because we cannot accept the grim reality of mankind. Mankind will bring about its own undoing, because at the core of our hearts we want to succeed above all else, beyond the reaches of others. We all want to not only survive, but to outlive. The heart of darkness is as cold as the war machine, as callous as the weapons we use for destruction, and as dark as the moment before dawn when we are dreaming in dog years. This is the realities we face, it is written in blood across history, and the past will ultimately shape the future. The sooner we can accept this, the sooner we can get a real life, and begin to salvage what we have. The problem is no one is strong enough to see beyond this.

Songs to Scream at the Sun

After preordering the new Have Heart LP, 'Songs to Scream at the Sun', I got the download of the former which came with the package. Immediately put it on repeat, and started to give it 3 solid listens. 'The Things We Carry' was a groundbreaking debut album, and I didn't think Have Heart would be able to match the Passion, Intensity and Songwriting of their Debut, let alone top it. I turned out to be dead wrong, as Songs.. is a step above everything else, and most other contemporary hardcore releases. Every song is a solid onslaught, without any filler or down parts. The lyrics of Pat Flynn are better than ever and really strike home with me, and could with anyone. The sheer intensity of sound is incredible, and the recording and mix itsself sounds so tight. Bostons is probably the best track, but it is hard to stand out in an album as amazing as this. Unless the new Iron Age is better, this will probably be the release of 2008. 5/5

Your friends say Boston's beautiful...

Platoon

Watched this movie yesterday, thought it was really good, pretty intense and in your face. Oliver Stone is a quality director, who makes insightful and gritty films, and isn't afraid to confront controversial issues. The main thing about this movie that struck me, besides its obvious graphic nature and disturbing scenes, was the psychological aspect of the vietnam war that it displayed. The protagonist that entered the war an innocent young man, who leaves as a hardened, jaded and damaged person. In the end the United States were no longer fighting the
Vietcong, communist enemy, they were fighting themselves and the belief in their own ideals. When you enter a war, what are you personally fighting for? Everyone values their own life more than a mentality which is placed upon them by the expectations of their fellow patriotic citizens and the powers that be. All that you end up fighting for is your own survival and the only thing you fight against are your own demons. Deep in the jungle you come face to face with the devil, and your own true reckoning. This was the first war in history where there was no direct enemy, and because of the guerilla aspect it was very sinister. For the average American after even a few weeks in 'nam your initial reason for being there would be washed away, as you learn you are not really fighting for your own country, or freedom or livelihood but fighting to take away somebody else's. The power struggle amongst your own army which ensues further alienates you from your
cause, when you realise that people can do whatever they want without the fear of consequence and it is just every man for himself, except that everybody has the capability to kill each other in an instant. This movie made me question my own belief in my substance, and how quickly I would be broken in the Vietnam situation. Your life can never be the same, and you only ever live in a shadow of what happened there, like some distant dream or far off reality. The best movies are ones which can make you think like this, make you question yourself, the life you take for granted and your beliefs. Nobody is strong enough to fend off the demons which you have to confront in your life, the only thing that is different about going to war is that you come face to face with them right away, they are staring you in the face, tempting you to do the inevitable, just to take that extra step forward.

Dead Stop

I sit here staring at the wall. It’s never going to show me anything more than a plain white panel and a rebound for my memories. I sit still as my chest slowly rises and falls as I take in oxygen. I lack the motivation to go further than this not for any legitimate reason, merely because I have reached a total standstill. Fallen into a massive rut. Why does the motivation fall short, when I’ve been told my whole life I could do anything I wanted, if I put my mind to it and worked hard enough. I think this is where my problem starts, because most people’s idea of achievement is based around financial, charitable or artistic success.
I have no desire for any of these. Money will go as far as what I’m holding, and what I put aside. I have no survival expenses. I have the desire to help people, but right now it is only those who surround me, and only with small, insignificant problems, however life threatening they might seem to us. I believe that I have to help myself before I can go out and help the wider world, or at least that's what I am trying to convince myself of. The prevention is better than the cure. Humans are corrupt and poverty is unstoppable. So how can every bit count? How jaded and callous am I? I would rather help people come to terms with the nature of mankind so that we might other ways to work within our natural limitations. Artistic success cannot be judged until after you are dead. So I guess my ghost will have to see to that. So why don’t I just go out and have fun, and live the teenage capitalist dream with the rest of the western and closer to destruction world. Is it because I fear the inevitable? People are terrifying, prepared to do anything to impress or improve their status. We cannot say what we feel incase we break the code of social acceptability. We do things en masse because we watch other people doing them; we fall like dominoes every time. This isn’t any new discovery, and almost anyone who decides to chew the fat about the ill fated ways of the world will tell you that. Although this doesn’t make my claim or own version any less legitimate. So I sit in limbo and the frustration builds, the pressure increasing towards the inevitable break. Or fade until I become indifferent. So I chase my dreams of personal gain, and amount piles of colored wax, paper, plastic and metal. All to rot in the earth when I expire. Technology to make me feel less certain of my own existence and more certain that I am not alone in this feeling. When in reality I can only exist if I exist alone. I hold back my true feelings because they can only render useful, nobody can change this, or even if they could sympathize it will be nothing more than speculation. So we can join forces in
Our hopelessness, and unite in one big waste of time that never belonged to us. Time that keeps on adding up, when really the hourglass is slowly running out, a count down to Armageddon that nobody is aware of. So why all this despair? Obviously I am delusional, and I am just trying to find some greater, profound reason to fill the void. In reality life is only as important as you want it to be, I mean, it's only your life at stake. Nothing more than a pimple on the face of a kid in his school photo on the fall of his grandmother's place lost in the middle of suburbia. So really, what’s the point of caring so much, why don't I just do what I want and forget about what might happen, because there’s no time like the present? Why fear failure, when even the slimmest chance of success exists. This reasoning seems so logical, except I feel no
More motivated to get up knowing it. Maybe if the wolves were after me I would be motivated to achieve. Or I would just accept my fate. It's hard to know.

Top 5's

Records (High Rotation)

1. Justice - Live and Learn (Still getting spun so much)}
2. My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
3. Claude Debussy - Claire De Lune
4. Loud and Clear - S/T
5. Leonard Cohen - I'm Your Man (So bad it's so good)

Films (Recently Watched)

1. Leaving Las Vegas (still amazing on 2nd viewing)
2. Full Metal Jacket
3. The Devil and Daniel Johnston
4. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
5. Apocalypse Now

Drinks

1. Studenac Croatian Mineral Water
2. Dr. Pepper
3. Farmer's Union Ice Coffee
4. Lucozade Original
5. Vanilla Coke

Australian Hardcore Bands

1. Values Here
2. Hold Up!
3. Hardluck
4. Extortion
5. No Apologies

Launch

So I finally caved in and decided it was high time the internet got a taste of the massive rants that have been building up inside me. Seeing as every outspoken person has a blog nowadays, I thought I would join in the trash talking. If you don't want to read, don't complain to me about your wasted time, for fucks sake you're on the internet. Time for the onslaught