Infiltration

Confronted in the harshest possible way by outside forces hitting deep within

Meaning get lost in translation as they speed at break neck pace between two strongholds

Folding and folding until they fall in on themselves, pulling everything down with them

Mixed messages flow through wires and cause short circuiting where ever they meet a turn

Not possible to find a smooth flowing course, instead each impulse causes fault and fracture

Trying to uncover a solution by digging out the problem, the hole gets so deep it all falls apart

Hunting with fever for the answer, almost losing sight as if the path forward is not possible

No blood is shed but the problems are deeper than that, further than what can be touched

The surface is completely clean and the coast is clear, but tremors from below throw everything off course.

Time tries its best to sort everything out, but it knows only how to heal flesh wounds.

Rain

What am I going to say? I cannot form a syllable, the words cannot escape my mouth. I try to release them, but the pressure is keeping my jaw held shut, clamped closed. I can't handle the weight slowly pressing me into the ground, the earth flattened under my form. I push further and further, picking up sound waves bending my wavelength spreading me further until I can no longer be seen with the naked eye. Clothing and exterior belongings rip to shreds as they stretch. I'm left in my purest form, fitter and healthier now that I'm not solid. Stampeding hoards of lost souls pour down from the sky onto me, but I'm so thin they slip right through and into the underground. Subway cars take them where they want to go. I am left upon the surface as a layer between a plateau and two mountains. Spirits caught between rocks flail in the wind and try to signal to me, but my senses are broken up between too many places at once. They lose their faith and turn to dust and slowly fall onto me and the earth below. My minds eye wanders, it searches over plains and into valleys, beneath lakes and in tunnels. Mazes and wormholes, deep and black with no end. Bottomless pitfalls covered in the bodies of lost men, little specs amongst a sea of no light. It could be hell but without air or water or any elements it is difficult to determine existence. My minds eye keeps falling and never returns, the seas fall across the land and it rains for ten thousand split seconds and I'm completely soaked.

diving

I stand alone at the cliff top, looking over the edge which seems so soon, nearer than the horizon. I stand alone, a solitary figure in the midst of forest pouring down into the ocean. I hear the water falling down below me, the sound of anguish crashing upon rocks and eroding the earth. I can do nothing but stand, the excuse of my form existing enough to push me further, bending into nature as trees bend in the wind. The pressure of my body upon the surface of the cliff is enough to keep me standing, but it holds no weight whatsoever on any other part of the landscape. My motion fades out and becomes inconsequential as it moves further into the forest. There is no one else here, I stand alone in purity of existance, nothing more. Nothing more important beyond where my footstep lands and the air I exhale. Nature will absolve me in a way history could not. Every time I fall I don't make an imprint in the ground, only the ground makes a print in me. What I can see is only a small piece of what is actually here, only I cannot open my eyes wide enough. Not wide enough to take in the depth of the ocean which towers below me. Deep down where everything is so plain to see. I bend further and further over the edge until the wind begins to submerge my body in the water below. I no longer have a presence upon the land, as I sink deeper and deeper into weightlessness.  The deafening sound of silence underwater bursts my ear drums and they float outwards beyond the horizon. I need not for them now, there is nothing to hear below besides the echoes of thoughts throughout my head. Even those begin to sound softer and less important, as what once held truth on the surface seems to no longer have consequence. I fall even deeper but it seems I am no longer falling. Light can no longer penetrate the depths which I have reached. I am rising closer and closer to the bottom of everything. Beyond the edge of human form, there lies nothing in the horizon. Only the present form.

anything

Its so windy, windy enough to topple buildings or loosen vices, winds so strong the uproot trees and ill felt foundations. It blows nearly everything away except I stant still in the middle and feel it blow right through me. Wind coming from every direction, sweeping everything close to the edge. losing the distance bewtween what we can and cant touch. This brewing storm is only background music amongst deafening silence, as I fail to see that this is only the eye; the shape of whats to come. The sun is blocked out by the clouds, whose freedom is on shakier ground than my own, who try and warn me. I don't notice, I see it pointless to fight something so huge, when the Earth on which I stand is so uncertain. The future is lost in the horizon which I strain to see, but is hidden beyond the sea of debris which continues to slide. Solid form begins to flow as freely as liquid. The only thing left still is my own complacency, braving the storm better than a thousand sailors. rain falls down from the empty sky, droplets thick and cold which roll off me and get swept into the distance, each one taking with it a fragment of my skin, picking away at my form until only my skeleton stands strong. these pieces I lose are not crucial, they are only parts of my thin outer shell, of which I can afford to lose. something that is only skin deep is quickly forgotten within the maelstrom, my bones absorbing the impact like the Earth absorbes the falling rain. everything else is long gone, swept into the distance, glad to be escaping from the hell which will soon be loose, the storm separates the sky. I stand still as possible, as still as a statue, as steady as the ground I stand upon. It is only the frame of my body left as my mind is elsewhere, trembling as the sky cracks and everything comes tumbling down.

Wave of Flies

So I was invited to see this new German film the wave at the MIFF today, not having any idea what it was going to be like, only going on a friend's recommendation. It was nearly sold out, and turned out to be a pretty amazing experience. Basic gist is a sort of cutting edge school in Berlin(?) is running this week long program to promote 'the virtues of democracy', where each student can sign up to a program of an extreme political idealism (autocracy and anarchy are the only two mentioned). The teacher of the classroom Herr Wenger sets up the class with himself as leader, and begins to give the class instructions such as 'strength through discipline'. The class soon evolves into a movement called 'The Wave', and begins to take on a life of its own. Wenger is shocked as he begins to see the power he weilds, and how extreme The Wave becomes as students are so motivated as to enforce their beliefs onto others and discriminate those who are not members. It all culminates in a confronting climax, which made me question my own values. In Australia we have no fascist history, being one of the oldest democracies and rating as
one of the current most democratic nations. But what says fascism doesn't walk among us? It is the whole 'lord of the flies' scenario: Given the right circumstances, we would all commit disturbing and radical acts to defend beliefs we didn't know we possessed, just in the name of following the group, or following orders, or mainly just fear. This is why groups like the 3rd Reich and Khmer Rouge were able to exist, the mass brainwashing which occured was because an aspect of this absolute control, strict discipline and superiority of a group over everything else appeals to a part of all of us, not just a particular race or ethnic minority. I am unable to say I could not ever act in this way, dispite my knowledge of the topic.
Given the right ammount of fear people will commit to anything to protect themselves. Those who are most fearful are most dangerous, because of the lengths they are prepared to go to to alleviate that sickening feeling of fear. In the end it all comes down to survival of the fittest, and the fact that man is corrupt, and
humanity is the devil. In our position of rich nation in the western world we can frown upon nations which feed dictators, we can writhe in horror while we sit back and watch others commit genocide and ethnic cleansing, but to quote author Chuck Palahniuk: 'It is only once we have lost everything, that we are able to do anything.' I rate this movie highly for anyone who is prepared to confront themselves, and to have a real cinematic experience.

every night im gone

every night now I dream i'm somewhere else
in another city far away
or another version of the one right here
im not exactly sure
Im staying in hotel rooms in high rise buildings
on the 6th or 14th level
and the elevator is always unsafe
yet I never take the stairs
and im always trying to cross busy intersections
but never crossing at the traffic lights
I see people I know all the time
but they seem so far away and unfamiliar
and i'm always following, never leading
or trying to look for something
deep in an office complex or shopping centre
through tunnels and dark rooms
In a city I thought I knew so well
but everything has been altered and shifted
so now it is completely foreign
people are always so hostile
because I never really know where Im going
I catch trains to no particular location
because I never actually arrive
but I always wake up at the wrong time
just before I actually get there

brain dead

so nothing exciting has happened since school went back, just been getting up every morning and falling back into the old routine. Nothing at all has changed, nothing is new. School is exactly the same every day, with each day its subtle differences, but all these differences always the same ones reoccuring. I have done nothing productive, besides homework and daily routine tasks. There is nothing really to complain about, besides the usual bitching and moaning. The doldrums of my life has been reflected in the thrills of my dreams, each night having vivid and intense journeys, with complex urban landscapes, to beaches, to oceans and deserted islands, to strange figures, to alternate reality and versions of people I know, and even strange creatures. At least each night is exciting and unpredictable, when I could pretty much recite everything that will happen tomorrow. Motivation needs to come from within I guess, but when I look inside all I can find is the
same old burning questions, and no answers. Which makes me believe motivation needs to come from the outside world, but seeing as I cannot find it I am hoping it will come to me. But hope like that won't get me anywhere far. I guess im just stuck in the doldrums until high winds come

hardcoretwothousandandhate

Bradford's Sydney Wrap:

- A-MAZE-ING crew
- Cracking jokes at ungodly hours in the airport, eg; "Tom, don't you have a gun in your back pocket?"
- Myer hangz
- Burgerlicious
- Budzzz
- "Feels good man"
- Nipple sharing stories
- Eloise's Laguna Beach style mansion
- Alessandro "The Juggernaut" Coco
- Mosh parts
- Cornwell
- Feeling sorry for Clayton
- Jarrah spooning Coco
- "Is the new girl here? Is she hot?" *Motions sexual intercourse with hand*
- $50 cab rides.
Sheet!
- "GOOD MORNING!"

These are some of the memorable Highlights, but i'm going to put up some of my own

- Newtown - general vibe and sweet weather, way overpriced vintage stores, sweet record stores and fast food
- Bayview Boulevard - such a nice hotel, slept so comfortably in a nice neighborhood until we reached the hostel which was in dirty downtown, but the good times made up for bad sleep
- eating ridiculously unhealthily - oportos (so many in sydney downtown), ogala, subway, burgerlicious, large amounts of softdrink, smoking and drinking
- exploring the city and observing the massive sydney rush
- forming the a-maze-ing crew, sweet hangouts, lots of lols and good times, partying down, both the hardcore shows, poor sleep
- Jungle Fever, The Dead Walk, Extortion and Blacklisted ruling it and forcing me to mosh
- The Dead Walk playing New Direction - amazing
- Smoking the awful pipe in the sweet secret lane
- Hanging out with locals, meeting new people
- Leaving from a completely deserted Sydney airport
- living the dream, dtrying to live like a local, having a sweet time and digging Sydney

Will put up photos when Bradford tunes me up

Haven't updated for a while cos I was in Phillip Island. Looking back now that I am home it seems like a pretty big blur of rain, drugs and ruckus. Cooking the most ridiculous oily buttery meals and eating steadily all day, smoking steadily and drinking steadily. Going on adventures through the forest to the beach and back through the forest while it was raining just because it was grim and there was nobody around so we felt like explorers. Watching tv shows over and over, then playing monopoly in Afrikaans, then losing interest when it became a stalemate between Izaac and I then watching more tv. Constant rain, and gail force storm warning winds shaking the house and making us feel grateful we were indoors. Going out for a chronic spree then warming up infront of the heater. Copping attitude from eugene, then provoking him till he had a big hissy fit then making fun of him some more. Then bashing him, then everyone bashing everyone in an all out brawl which ends with no winner and everyone gasping for air and grinning. Talking amazing ammounts of shit and laughing so hard at things that no longer seem funny, but will always remain funny within the memory. Knowing there was no constraints, no responsibility and nothing to remember, just living for the essentials and the good times. Sleeping too much, and being a sloth. Having friends to replace the family. Photos coming soon

Heart of Darkness

I don't need to go on a great journey to reach the heart of darkness. I don't need a place in history, some far away land long ago or a place of myth or fiction. I don't need to fall down the rabbit hole, dive deep into the ocean or trek into the jungle to find a place that the sun could never touch. I don't need to watch a battle or war or terrible conflict ravaging innocent people. I don't need to hear people with different values to me, different beliefs or perspectives. I don't need to cut open the human body, to see what everybody knows, nor do I need to look into the soul that may or may not be inside. The heart of darkness is right here in front of me, yet I am surrounded by people who are so strongly convinced that the sun just continues to shine. People are certain that with the rise of the sun light will pour down onto the earth and light up all places of darkness. Heating up everything left out in the cold. But I know that it won't. I know that in the physical world this might seem to be true, but not in the world that I can see. As much as people try to deny it, everyone is only in it for themselves. They will use their protection and care to aid that which will benefit them most, or what will give the sweetest feeling of warmth. All humans are corrupt in nature, there is no good or evil as there is no heaven or hell. These are only things created by man to try and give a system to our traits, or a reason for our actions. The ends justify the means every time. Given the right situation, me as well as everyone else will destroy, exploit, rape and pillage or kill just to protect our necks. Because in the end that is all that matters; our own physical wellbeing. It is certain that we would kill our closest of kin just to gain another breath. Each one of us has the devil and god raging inside us, and we are kings of our own man made hell. Humanity is the only existing devil; there is nothing beyond that and our own selfish actions. We push this truth aside because it is too difficult to live with when all we want is to think that we are good enough to be saved by someone who is prepared to forgive us no matter how many sins we have committed. And we won't just rot in the ground with all those of whom we have forsaken. The problem is we; the privileged ones are the most to blame. We complain about our meaningless, trivial problems while we exploit those on the tiers below us so we can live in comfort and ease. The ninety five will die in vain to keep the five alive and fruitful. We say we are doing a greater good for those less privileged than us, when infact we are signing away their lives from birth and selling them our pescripted life. There will be no equality, because all men are not created equal. It is comfortable to think that everyone has a chance, because it means that no one is better or worse than anyone else in the long run. It is survival of the fittest, and in this dog eat dog world only the strongest and most ruthless will survive. The true survivors know this, but somehow in our enclosed bubble world we have taught ourselves otherwise. This is the heart of darkness, because we cannot accept the grim reality of mankind. Mankind will bring about its own undoing, because at the core of our hearts we want to succeed above all else, beyond the reaches of others. We all want to not only survive, but to outlive. The heart of darkness is as cold as the war machine, as callous as the weapons we use for destruction, and as dark as the moment before dawn when we are dreaming in dog years. This is the realities we face, it is written in blood across history, and the past will ultimately shape the future. The sooner we can accept this, the sooner we can get a real life, and begin to salvage what we have. The problem is no one is strong enough to see beyond this.

Songs to Scream at the Sun

After preordering the new Have Heart LP, 'Songs to Scream at the Sun', I got the download of the former which came with the package. Immediately put it on repeat, and started to give it 3 solid listens. 'The Things We Carry' was a groundbreaking debut album, and I didn't think Have Heart would be able to match the Passion, Intensity and Songwriting of their Debut, let alone top it. I turned out to be dead wrong, as Songs.. is a step above everything else, and most other contemporary hardcore releases. Every song is a solid onslaught, without any filler or down parts. The lyrics of Pat Flynn are better than ever and really strike home with me, and could with anyone. The sheer intensity of sound is incredible, and the recording and mix itsself sounds so tight. Bostons is probably the best track, but it is hard to stand out in an album as amazing as this. Unless the new Iron Age is better, this will probably be the release of 2008. 5/5

Your friends say Boston's beautiful...

Platoon

Watched this movie yesterday, thought it was really good, pretty intense and in your face. Oliver Stone is a quality director, who makes insightful and gritty films, and isn't afraid to confront controversial issues. The main thing about this movie that struck me, besides its obvious graphic nature and disturbing scenes, was the psychological aspect of the vietnam war that it displayed. The protagonist that entered the war an innocent young man, who leaves as a hardened, jaded and damaged person. In the end the United States were no longer fighting the
Vietcong, communist enemy, they were fighting themselves and the belief in their own ideals. When you enter a war, what are you personally fighting for? Everyone values their own life more than a mentality which is placed upon them by the expectations of their fellow patriotic citizens and the powers that be. All that you end up fighting for is your own survival and the only thing you fight against are your own demons. Deep in the jungle you come face to face with the devil, and your own true reckoning. This was the first war in history where there was no direct enemy, and because of the guerilla aspect it was very sinister. For the average American after even a few weeks in 'nam your initial reason for being there would be washed away, as you learn you are not really fighting for your own country, or freedom or livelihood but fighting to take away somebody else's. The power struggle amongst your own army which ensues further alienates you from your
cause, when you realise that people can do whatever they want without the fear of consequence and it is just every man for himself, except that everybody has the capability to kill each other in an instant. This movie made me question my own belief in my substance, and how quickly I would be broken in the Vietnam situation. Your life can never be the same, and you only ever live in a shadow of what happened there, like some distant dream or far off reality. The best movies are ones which can make you think like this, make you question yourself, the life you take for granted and your beliefs. Nobody is strong enough to fend off the demons which you have to confront in your life, the only thing that is different about going to war is that you come face to face with them right away, they are staring you in the face, tempting you to do the inevitable, just to take that extra step forward.

Dead Stop

I sit here staring at the wall. It’s never going to show me anything more than a plain white panel and a rebound for my memories. I sit still as my chest slowly rises and falls as I take in oxygen. I lack the motivation to go further than this not for any legitimate reason, merely because I have reached a total standstill. Fallen into a massive rut. Why does the motivation fall short, when I’ve been told my whole life I could do anything I wanted, if I put my mind to it and worked hard enough. I think this is where my problem starts, because most people’s idea of achievement is based around financial, charitable or artistic success.
I have no desire for any of these. Money will go as far as what I’m holding, and what I put aside. I have no survival expenses. I have the desire to help people, but right now it is only those who surround me, and only with small, insignificant problems, however life threatening they might seem to us. I believe that I have to help myself before I can go out and help the wider world, or at least that's what I am trying to convince myself of. The prevention is better than the cure. Humans are corrupt and poverty is unstoppable. So how can every bit count? How jaded and callous am I? I would rather help people come to terms with the nature of mankind so that we might other ways to work within our natural limitations. Artistic success cannot be judged until after you are dead. So I guess my ghost will have to see to that. So why don’t I just go out and have fun, and live the teenage capitalist dream with the rest of the western and closer to destruction world. Is it because I fear the inevitable? People are terrifying, prepared to do anything to impress or improve their status. We cannot say what we feel incase we break the code of social acceptability. We do things en masse because we watch other people doing them; we fall like dominoes every time. This isn’t any new discovery, and almost anyone who decides to chew the fat about the ill fated ways of the world will tell you that. Although this doesn’t make my claim or own version any less legitimate. So I sit in limbo and the frustration builds, the pressure increasing towards the inevitable break. Or fade until I become indifferent. So I chase my dreams of personal gain, and amount piles of colored wax, paper, plastic and metal. All to rot in the earth when I expire. Technology to make me feel less certain of my own existence and more certain that I am not alone in this feeling. When in reality I can only exist if I exist alone. I hold back my true feelings because they can only render useful, nobody can change this, or even if they could sympathize it will be nothing more than speculation. So we can join forces in
Our hopelessness, and unite in one big waste of time that never belonged to us. Time that keeps on adding up, when really the hourglass is slowly running out, a count down to Armageddon that nobody is aware of. So why all this despair? Obviously I am delusional, and I am just trying to find some greater, profound reason to fill the void. In reality life is only as important as you want it to be, I mean, it's only your life at stake. Nothing more than a pimple on the face of a kid in his school photo on the fall of his grandmother's place lost in the middle of suburbia. So really, what’s the point of caring so much, why don't I just do what I want and forget about what might happen, because there’s no time like the present? Why fear failure, when even the slimmest chance of success exists. This reasoning seems so logical, except I feel no
More motivated to get up knowing it. Maybe if the wolves were after me I would be motivated to achieve. Or I would just accept my fate. It's hard to know.

Top 5's

Records (High Rotation)

1. Justice - Live and Learn (Still getting spun so much)}
2. My Bloody Valentine - Loveless
3. Claude Debussy - Claire De Lune
4. Loud and Clear - S/T
5. Leonard Cohen - I'm Your Man (So bad it's so good)

Films (Recently Watched)

1. Leaving Las Vegas (still amazing on 2nd viewing)
2. Full Metal Jacket
3. The Devil and Daniel Johnston
4. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
5. Apocalypse Now

Drinks

1. Studenac Croatian Mineral Water
2. Dr. Pepper
3. Farmer's Union Ice Coffee
4. Lucozade Original
5. Vanilla Coke

Australian Hardcore Bands

1. Values Here
2. Hold Up!
3. Hardluck
4. Extortion
5. No Apologies

Launch

So I finally caved in and decided it was high time the internet got a taste of the massive rants that have been building up inside me. Seeing as every outspoken person has a blog nowadays, I thought I would join in the trash talking. If you don't want to read, don't complain to me about your wasted time, for fucks sake you're on the internet. Time for the onslaught